Blogging Challenge for Mothers of Loss

1: Who are you? Caitlin Groover.. Wife to Chris Groover.. & Mommy to Cali Groover.

2: Tell us about your child(ren).- Cali Lindy Groover, our beautiful angel.. Born May 9th, 2011 at 10:08pm. Born with a life taking  NTD, Anencephaly.

3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock". - Definitely my amazing husband! I could not have asked for someone better to take care of me and help me through all my hard times.

4: Through your grief process what has kept you going? Pictures. I am constantly looking at pictures of my little Cali girl.

5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? Everything reminds me of her! She is always on my mind :)

6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have? 1 beautiful angel up in heaven. She will always be my first born! I will treat her as I would treat any of my future children.

7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what? I am always doing special things for her. My favorite is our memorial tree we planted in our back yard in honor of her.

8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones? Lately, more bad. :(

9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?- Our loss has made me & Chris closer in so many ways. We created something so completely beautiful & we are thankful for that everyday.

10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)? No rainbows yet. Praying hard for one though :)

11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father? - Very true! I'm always a complete mess, & Chris can keep his cool better than I can. I know he feels the pain just as much as I do, but he shows it in different ways.

12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss? - Every family member deals with it differently. I am grateful to have all of their support and for them all to recognize Cali as a person.

13: Does anyone else besides you speak your child's name? Yes, lots of people do! It makes me feel good hearing people talk about her.

14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.- Cali's grave site has become very special to me. I spend alot of time there.

15: Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What will you be doing? - I plan on walking in the Moms Wholehearted: 1st Annual Angel Walk!! Can't wait!

16: Do you take time for yourself? I have lots of time.. maybe not exactly for myself, but I try.

17: Do you feel your child is watching over you? I feel her around me constantly.

18: Have you found something that puts you at peace? Talking about her definitely gives me some peace.

19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)? Holding her in my arms for that very wonderful 5 hours!

20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about? - I still always think the "Why me??". Me & Chris just don't understand why this had to happen to us. We did everything right in my pregnancy, and we had so much love to give a child.. It just doesn't make sense.

21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?

Her name.. I am so in love with it.

22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)

I have many! My Light by Sully Erna is what me & Chris got tattooed on our sides in honor of her.

23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?

I would have done so many things differently, but I am not going to live in regret everyday of the things I did not do.

24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?

I still have yet to go through alot of these. I will see when the time comes.

25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?

Still have yet to find out.

26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?

probably a 4. Very average. I'm not too down but I'm not happy either.

27: Share a picture.

Us loving on our girl <3

28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss? Yes, unfortunately people have been very wrong about Cali's diagnoses.. It saddens me people have to gossip about a child that isn't even here on earth. How low can people get?

29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again? She is with God.. In heaven! I can't wait until the day I can have her in my arms again!

30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)

Trying for another Groover baby!  Hoping that will give us some kind of Hope & Happiness to help with the horrible pain we have everyday. We need something to actually look forward to.

31: Do you feel like 31 questions has helped you open up more about your child(ren)?- Yes very much so!