My loves

Camdyn visiting his big sister for the first time :)

Introducing Cali's little brother... Our Rainbow!

Camdyn's expected due date is at the end of July!!

The term rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with it's aftermath.. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds, storm coulds may hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday Baby Girl!!!

Anencephaly facts

Done by Anencephaly Study at Duke University Medical Center

http://www.chg.duke.edu/diseases/anencephaly.html

Approximately 2% of babies with anencephaly will have a chromosome anomaly (a difference in the number or structure of the chromosomes). Testing for chromosome anomalies is possible via amniocentesis or collection of a fetal blood or tissue sample at delivery.

Environmental factors such as obesity, diabetes, certain medications, pesticides, maternal fever and folic acid deficiency have been implicated in contributing to anencephaly. Additional unknown environmental factors also likely play a role.

Anencephaly is caused by failure of the cranial end of the neural tube (fetal structure that develops into brain and spine) to close by day 28 of gestation.

After having one pregnancy with anencephaly, the chance to have a second pregnancy with an open neural tube defect is approximately 3%. Meaning 1 in 33 women will experience a second affected pregnancy.

Humans have approximately 20,000 genes. Genes are the instructions or blueprint for our body. We get half our genes from our mom and half from our dad. Changes in genes likely contribute to the development of anencephaly.

Anencephaly is more common in girls. Approximately 2 in 3 babies with anencephaly is a girl.

Every woman of childbearing age should take 400 micrograms of folic acid daily to reduce the risk of fetal open neural tube defects. Women with a previous pregnancy with anencephaly should take 4,000 micrograms (4 milligrams) of folic acid daily prior to subsequent pregnancies.

Anencephaly is caused by a combination of multiple genetic (inherited) and environmental factors. Unfortunately, most of these factors are not known.

Learning more about the genetic causes of anencephaly may lead to the availability of genetic testing for at-risk family members and potential new preventative measures.

Anencephaly can be seen on ultrasound by the 12th week of pregnancy.

“Angel, you were born to fly!”

  Spring/ Easter 2012 <3

 Cali's tree getting some beautiful blooms <3

My Normal..

Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my baby.
Normal is making sure that others remember her.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent, spouse, family member or friend is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "Normal"

Love you so much sweet baby girl

Pregnancy & Infant loss day

<3 May peace fill your hearts today as we gather worldwide to remember all babies gone too soon. <3

Breaking the silence..

Our baby died. She has a name. Her name is Cali Lindy Groover. She was a much wanted daughter, granddaughter, and niece. She was born on May 9th, 2011. Unfortunately, she was one of many babies that died that day. She died from stillbirth due to Anencephaly. 1 in 4 woman will have a miscarriage, stillbirth or some type of infant loss... October is baby loss awareness month. ♥

Please remember all the babies gone too soon this October!!

October is a month to break down the walls of society that keep pregnancy, infant and child loss a hush hush subject. People view the death of a baby as just a sad thing that happened. These babies that die are not sad things that happen. They are people, much loved and wanted children. They are brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters.

Blogging Challenge for Mothers of Loss

1: Who are you? Caitlin Groover.. Wife to Chris Groover.. & Mommy to Cali Groover.

2: Tell us about your child(ren).- Cali Lindy Groover, our beautiful angel.. Born May 9th, 2011 at 10:08pm. Born with a life taking  NTD, Anencephaly.

3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock". - Definitely my amazing husband! I could not have asked for someone better to take care of me and help me through all my hard times.

4: Through your grief process what has kept you going? Pictures. I am constantly looking at pictures of my little Cali girl.

5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? Everything reminds me of her! She is always on my mind :)

6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have? 1 beautiful angel up in heaven. She will always be my first born! I will treat her as I would treat any of my future children.

7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what? I am always doing special things for her. My favorite is our memorial tree we planted in our back yard in honor of her.

8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones? Lately, more bad. :(

9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?- Our loss has made me & Chris closer in so many ways. We created something so completely beautiful & we are thankful for that everyday.

10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)? No rainbows yet. Praying hard for one though :)

11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father? - Very true! I'm always a complete mess, & Chris can keep his cool better than I can. I know he feels the pain just as much as I do, but he shows it in different ways.

12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss? - Every family member deals with it differently. I am grateful to have all of their support and for them all to recognize Cali as a person.

13: Does anyone else besides you speak your child's name? Yes, lots of people do! It makes me feel good hearing people talk about her.

14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.- Cali's grave site has become very special to me. I spend alot of time there.

15: Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What will you be doing? - I plan on walking in the Moms Wholehearted: 1st Annual Angel Walk!! Can't wait!

16: Do you take time for yourself? I have lots of time.. maybe not exactly for myself, but I try.

17: Do you feel your child is watching over you? I feel her around me constantly.

18: Have you found something that puts you at peace? Talking about her definitely gives me some peace.

19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)? Holding her in my arms for that very wonderful 5 hours!

20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about? - I still always think the "Why me??". Me & Chris just don't understand why this had to happen to us. We did everything right in my pregnancy, and we had so much love to give a child.. It just doesn't make sense.

21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?

Her name.. I am so in love with it.

22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)

I have many! My Light by Sully Erna is what me & Chris got tattooed on our sides in honor of her.

23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?

I would have done so many things differently, but I am not going to live in regret everyday of the things I did not do.

24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?

I still have yet to go through alot of these. I will see when the time comes.

25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?

Still have yet to find out.

26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?

probably a 4. Very average. I'm not too down but I'm not happy either.

27: Share a picture.

Us loving on our girl <3

28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss? Yes, unfortunately people have been very wrong about Cali's diagnoses.. It saddens me people have to gossip about a child that isn't even here on earth. How low can people get?

29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again? She is with God.. In heaven! I can't wait until the day I can have her in my arms again!

30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)

Trying for another Groover baby!  Hoping that will give us some kind of Hope & Happiness to help with the horrible pain we have everyday. We need something to actually look forward to.

31: Do you feel like 31 questions has helped you open up more about your child(ren)?- Yes very much so!

My cute pumpkin..

A little pumpkin for my cute pumpkin!

You are forever apart of me sweet baby girl <3



"Our Sweet Angel"

Cali's new stone ♥ That's her actual footprint

Mommy loves her Cali girl so much! xoxo

So thankful!

Cali's name written in the Californian sand <3

Thank you Tristin! I couldn't ask for a better friend and support through all the hard times. xoxo

Just another post about Folic Acid :)



Folic acid

• Folic acid helps prevent certain birth defects.
• Folic acid works if taken before and during early pregnancy.
• Take a daily multivitamin with 400 micrograms of folic acid.

Folic acid keeps you and your baby healthy

Folic acid is a B vitamin that can help prevent birth defects of the brain and spinal cord called neural tube defects (NTDs). Folic acid works to prevent these birth defects only if taken before conception and during early pregnancy. Folate is the natural form of folic acid that is found in certain foods.

Because NTDs originate in the first month of pregnancy, before many women know they are pregnant, it is important for a woman to have enough folic acid in her system before conception. Folic acid is recommended for all women of childbearing age because about half of all pregnancies in this country are unplanned (1). However, too many women aren't getting the recommended daily amount of folic acid.

Why should women of childbearing age take folic acid?

Studies show that if all women consumed the recommended amount of folic acid before and during early pregnancy, up to 70 percent of all NTDs could be prevented (1, 2).

The neural tube is the embryonic structure that develops into the brain and spinal cord. This structure, which starts out as a tiny ribbon of tissue, normally folds inward to form a tube by the 28th day after conception.

When this process goes wrong and the neural tube does not close completely, defects in the brain and spinal cord can result. An estimated 3,000 pregnancies in the United States are affected by NTDs each year (1, 3).

The most common NTDs are spina bifida and anencephaly. Spina bifida, often called “open spine,” affects the spine and, sometimes, the spinal cord. Children with the severe form of spina bifida have some degree of leg paralysis and bladder- and bowel-control problems and, sometimes, neurologic and developmental problems. Anencephaly is a fatal condition in which a baby is born with a severely underdeveloped brain and skull.

Folic acid also may help prevent other birth defects, including cleft lip and palate and some heart defects (1, 4).

A recent study suggests that women who take folic acid for at least 1 year before they become pregnant can cut their risk for having a premature baby (born before 37 completed weeks of pregnancy) by half (5). The study also suggests that these women can reduce their risk of having a very premature baby (born before 32 completed weeks) by up to 70 percent. Premature babies are at increased risk of newborn complications and lasting disabilities, including mental retardation, cerebral palsy and vision loss, with very premature babies at highest risk.

How much folic acid does a woman need?

The March of Dimes recommends that all women who can become pregnant take a multivitamin that contains at least 400 micrograms of folic acid every day starting before pregnancy, as part of a healthy diet. This advice, based on recommendations from the Institute of Medicine (IOM) (6), assures that a woman can get all the folic acid and other vitamins she needs daily. A 2007 March of Dimes Gallup survey showed that 40 percent of women of childbearing age in the United States take a vitamin with folic acid daily (7).

Healthy food choices include foods that are fortified with folic acid and foods that contain folate, the natural form of folic acid that is found in foods. Many grain products in the United States are fortified with folic acid. This means that a synthetic (manufactured) form of folic acid is added to them. Enriched flour, rice, pasta, bread and cereals are examples of fortified grain products. Women can check the label to see if a product is enriched. Good sources of folate include leafy green vegetables, dried beans, legumes, oranges and orange juice.

Folic acid from vitamin supplements and fortified foods is more readily absorbed and made available for use by the body than natural folate from food. According to the IOM, the body absorbs about 50 percent of food folate (6). By contrast, the body absorbs approximately 85 percent of the folic acid in fortified foods and 100 percent of the folic acid in a vitamin supplement (6). Cooking and storage can destroy some of the folate in foods.

Many studies have shown that the synthetic form of folic acid helps prevent NTDs. The IOM, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the March of Dimes recommend that women who could become pregnant consume at least 400 micrograms a day of the synthetic form of folic acid (1, 6).

Women can get this amount by taking a multivitamin or eating a serving of cereal that contains 100 percent of the daily value (DV) of folic acid (400 micrograms) (1). Most multivitamins and about 50 breakfast cereals contain this amount in one serving (8). Other cereals contain only 25 percent of the recommended amount. Women should check the label on the cereal box to see how much folic acid the cereal contains.

Do some women need more folic acid?

If a woman has already had a pregnancy affected by an NTD, she should ask her provider before her next pregnancy about the amount of folic acid she should take. Studies have shown that taking a larger dose of folic acid daily (4,000 micrograms, which equals 4 milligrams), beginning at least 1 month before pregnancy and in the first trimester of pregnancy, reduces by about 70 percent the risk of having another affected pregnancy (1). Women should take only one prenatal vitamin, plus three 1-milligram folic acid tablets to get the right amount (1). Taking more than one prenatal vitamin may cause women to get too much of certain other vitamins, such as vitamin A.

Women with diabetes, epilepsy and obesity are at increased risk of having a baby with an NTD (1). Women with these conditions should consult their provider before pregnancy to see if they should take a larger dose of folic acid.

Do women need folic acid throughout pregnancy?

Yes. A pregnant woman needs extra folic acid throughout pregnancy to help her produce the additional blood cells her body needs during pregnancy. Folic acid also supports the rapid growth of the placenta and fetus and is needed to produce new DNA (genetic material) as cells multiply. Without adequate amounts of folic acid, cell division could be impaired, possibly leading to poor growth in the fetus or placenta.

The IOM recommends that women increase their intake of folic acid to 600 micrograms a day (from supplements and food sources) once their pregnancy is confirmed (6). Most health care providers recommend a prenatal vitamin. Most prenatal vitamins contain 800 to 1,000 micrograms of folic acid. However, women should not take more than 1,000 micrograms (1 milligram) without their provider’s advice (1, 6).

How much folic acid is in fortified foods?

Since January 1, 1998, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has required the addition of 140 micrograms of folic acid per 100 grams of grain to cereals, breads, pastas and other foods labeled “enriched.” This fortification makes it easier for women to get folic acid from food they eat.

Studies show that fortification is associated with increased blood folate levels in women of childbearing age (9). Since fortification of grain products, the rate of NTDs has decreased by one-third, although other factors have contributed to this decline (10).

The amount of folic acid added to fortified foods (with the exception of some cereals) is small. Most women cannot get enough daily folic acid from food alone. In fact, a 2007 government study found that blood folate levels declined significantly in women of childbearing age from 1999-2000 to 2003-2004, for reasons that are not clear (9).

When the FDA determined that grains should be fortified with folic acid, it limited the fortification amount because of concerns that high levels of folic acid could mask a vitamin B-12 deficiency (11). This condition is called pernicious anemia and is seen mainly in elderly people. Very high doses of folic acid (more than 1,000 micrograms a day) may correct the anemia caused by the vitamin deficiency, but not the deficiency itself, possibly delaying diagnosis. Left untreated for an extended period of time, vitamin B-12 deficiency can cause irreversible nerve damage. To date, research has not demonstrated any risk of pernicious anemia or other adverse effects with current levels of folic acid fortification.

How does folic acid prevent birth defects?

How folic acid prevents NTDs is not well understood. Most studies suggest that it may correct a nutritional deficiency. However, others suggest that supplemental folic acid may help people compensate for common genetic traits that make them unable to use dietary folate. These traits could put women at extra risk for having children with NTDs (12).

Does folic acid have other health benefits?

Folic acid is important for everyone in maintaining health. Folic acid plays an important role in the production of red blood cells. Individuals who are deficient in folic acid sometimes develop a form of anemia called megaloblastic anemia (characterized by a reduced number of red blood cells). Folic acid also may play a role in preventing other health problems.

"August 19th is a day to break down the walls of society that keep pregnancy, infant and child loss a hush hush subject. People view the death of a baby as just a sad thing that happened.These babies that die are not sad things that happen. They are people, much loved and wanted children. They are brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters." ~Carly Marie Dudley

We spent some much needed time with our girl today doing some updates on her gravesite <3

 We added the little fencing and some mulch, & it looks so much better now!

Hoping to get her a headstone soon.



‎”If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.”

"too beautiful for earth."

Looking back..

How it all started :)

( Telling Chris we were EXPECTING!!)

Feb. 8th 2011

Happy Anniversary!!

One year ago today I married my best friend. Our first year as a married couple wasn't exactly ideal but it made us closer in so many ways. I fall in love with you more & more everyday! I am so proud to call my self your wife! Here is to 70 plus more years babe! xoxoxxx

I will carry you all my life..

There were photographs I wanted to take

Things I wanted to show you

Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes

Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not

Truth is I'm barely hanging on

But there's a greater story

Written long before me

Because He loves you like this

I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All my life

And I will praise the One Who's chosen me

To carry you

Such a short time

Such a long road

All this madness

But I know

That the silence

Has brought me to His voice

And He says ...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning

Walked her through the parted seas

Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes

Who could love her like this?